My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
