I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
