theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
