it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
