The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
