Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
