the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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