In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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