whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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