Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
