i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
