Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
