new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
