You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
