my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
