we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
