dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
NoShamevember. You game?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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