I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
