i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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