I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize