So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
