is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
