Are we in a gay sports bar?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
