Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I said "one day" and that day is not today
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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