ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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