Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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