i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
