nut hugger
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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