You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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