You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
