I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
this will be a night to untag.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
