if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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