btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
