with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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