yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
