it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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