Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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