You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
