We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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