If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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