We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
