The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize