I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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