maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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