I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
