I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
