I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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