Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
