Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
