OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
