I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
