hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
