That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
