twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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