if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
