Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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