I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
