just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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