So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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