You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
