He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
