is your mom at the bar?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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