White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
