We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
