just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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