I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
