Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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