I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
