def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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