Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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