I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
