So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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